Ukrainian Women

No Shortcuts!

Thousands of men travel to Ukraine every year in search of a wife, and only some get married in the end. According to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security 2010 data, Ukraine and Russia were not even close to the top 10 nationalities that most obtained permanent resident status. Top immigrants were from Mexico, China, India, Philippines, Dominican Republic, Cuba, Vietnam, Columbia, Korea (South) and Haiti. Out of 1,042,625 people obtaining permanent legal status, there were only about 8,500 Ukrainians who received Green Cards. About 2,000 of them obtained legal permanent resident status through marriage. I think even fewer came to the USA on fiance visa. As you see, with such a high amount of American men traveling to Ukraine in search of that special one, the number of marriages is relatively low.

Of course, those marriages don’t happen in just one magic trip. Many have no idea how difficult it might be to bring a Ukrainian bride home. It takes at least few trips to Ukraine in order to establish deeper connection and see if it is a good fit long term. Then, it is at least 7-8 months to bring a fiance to the USA, and another 3 months for wedding arrangements, etc. It is a very long process, and nothing happens in the snap of a finger. It takes about 2 years before one can close the deal. And it is hard, sometimes heart breaking journey.

Many also forget that looking for a wife in Ukraine is a costly thing. Flying across the ocean at least twice a year can cost you about $3000. Plus accommodations, averaging $60/night for at least 7 days, totaling $420 minimum if you stay on a low budget. Dining is about $100/day. That is $700 for 1 week. Based on my observations, I can say that many men who come to Ukraine on average spend about $3000-$5000 just for one trip 7 days long. They also bring suitcases full of gifts – expensive perfumes, Victoria Secret lingerie, jewelry, etc. The sadness of this is that many of them can barely make their living back home, and this “Ukrainian-babe-investment” is not worth the game. You can’t buy love. It’s not the money, it’s the connection that’s important. Suitcases of stuff will not buy you love, they will only clutter it if there is no true connection.

The biggest problem, I believe, comes from being unrealistic. Men quite often have high expectations. And some want just an affair, not a marriage. They think that they can get a babe in Ukraine just simply by showing up. They want model looking, hot babes that everyone back home in Arkansas would be jealous of. It’s like bringing home a trophy, and proving to a brother, father, or an old time friend that they are winners, not runners-up.   Well, it all depends on what you are looking for. One night stand or an affair will work just fine. But a serious long term relationship will be a stretch. A typical Barbie girl most likely will not be a secure long term investment. Even though there are some exceptions with true love and real deal. You know what I mean!

The reality is that some hot, young, 20 year old Barbie girl (high maintenance woman) not likely going to say yes instantly! She probably has all kind of attention already, and she definitely has choice. She will most likely choose someone closer to her age, or someone who would stand out from the crowd, or simply provide for the rest of her life if she’s more shallow and has no higher values. What I often see is that sometimes the values for those women are some hot Italian boots and/or piece of a nice jewelry.

Some men also sometimes forget to look in the mirror first, into their passport, lifestyle, and their assets before they decide to write to a 20 year old model. 60 year old usually doesn’t match well with 20 year old. It makes me wonder why in the world some guys would bring an engagement ring to that kind of girl on a first date. There should be some common sense! If she only takes you to the most expensive shoe shops and restaurants during your trip, not likely she is interested in you long term. Look for balance! Some decent shopping is not going to hurt, but if all you do is shop for her – it is a big red flag!

Only those men who have confidence, common sense and are really serious about finding their true soul mate, have higher chances to marry a Ukrainian woman, and any woman in the world. Many forget that American passport and a house in Texas can’t buy love and affection. Money and gifts are just components of an initial attraction. What’s worse is when money becomes an illusion of a potential love. It is very disappointing to see how many men (good men) come to Ukraine and spend more than they could ever afford, and afterwards feel that they have been used. Don’t be a fool, and nobody will fool you!

Not everybody is so lucky to get a piece of that desirable Ukrainian pie. But if you are realistic about yourself and others, have lower expectations, and look for a reasonable age difference, then you have a good chance to go home one day with your Ukrainian bride. Remember, that physical attraction is part of that mystique chemistry; mutual interests are a key to mental attraction; spiritual connection creates emotional comfort with each other; and combination of all the above leads to love and mutual respect. There are no shortcuts here!

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That magic spark that doesn’t have a price tag

Happily Ever After?

Ukraine is a country of brides. Thousands of them are walking on the streets every day. And thousands of foreign men are coming to Ukraine every year in search of a perfect woman. Ukrainian women are known to be very feminine, elegant, caring, and family oriented, fit, and well educated. And the question is ‘is it that easy to find a potential wife in Ukraine? Can a Ukrainian woman be a mail-order bride in a traditional understanding?’

A lot of men still think that looking for a wife in Ukraine is as easy as shopping at the market. The idea of finding a wife overseas with a click of the mouse sounds very compelling to many foreign men. Most think that it is easy: just find the one you like, write few letters, propose, get married and live happily ever after. It’s like a prepackaged deal- all the goodies in one box. What could be easier? It could, and it probably was that way couple decades ago. But these days it is not that easy as some might secretly wish. This whole ordeal about Ukrainian online dating and marriage is very intricate. Why? Because we are living in the twenty first century. This is the age of opportunities for both men and women. Women have more freedom and more choice, and therefore they do choose and select carefully. Ukrainian women understand their value now, and of course they want the best of the best- Prince Charming, if you wish.

After Soviet Union collapsed in 1991, and the doors to the West opened, women discovered a new way to invest into their future. They saw an opportunity to escape from the place where they lost all their savings, their jobs, and the hope for better life. Foreign men were so different from the ones back home. They were confident, financially stable and full of new opportunities.  “Mail-order bride business” spiked in 1990s. More men were coming to the former USSR to find feminine, family oriented women. Men got great wives, and women got caring husbands, and opportunities to have better lives. It was a win/win for everybody.

But as we all know, everything tends to change. Economies change, opportunities change, and women change too. Ukrainian women became more educated and self-sufficient. These days, young Ukrainian women often acquire two college degrees. Now, they know who they are and respect themselves. They don’t just look for an escape opportunity any more, but they look for a husband with a long list of good qualities. It’s not just the money anymore, it’s the entire package. And those men, who think that getting a Ukrainian wife is just a finger click away, are completely delusional. This misconception gets them in lots of trouble, both emotionally and financially. Dating a Ukrainian woman requires a lot of work, time, money, and effort. And of course simple, but at the same time so complicated chemistry, that magic spark that doesn’t have a price tag on it.

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Mail-Order Brides? Who Are They? Where Are They From?

Ukrainian wife. Dream or reality?

The term ‘mail-order bride’ was first used around 1850s. And the first mail-order brides were American women from the U.S. East Coast.

When American men moved West to work on the frontier, women stayed in the east of the country. Eventually West became more developed and men who worked there became more financially stable, and all that was missing was having women in their lives. They decided that the only easy way to find a wife was to place advertisements in newspapers and write letters to churches in East. It worked. A lot of women saw ads and sent letters with photographs to the men in West. They were corresponding with each other until ladies agreed to get married. Men then paid for all the moving expenses, and brought their wives-to-be into their new homes in West.

As you can see the term ‘mail-order bride’ was originally used to describe an American woman living in East who wanted to find a better life, have more financial security, and have more opportunities. Therefore, women were willing to marry men without ever seeing them before.

In a modern internet dating world, Eastern European women are also often called ‘mail-order brides’. It’s a cliché that lost its original meaning long time ago. There is almost no such thing as a ‘blind date marriage’ any more. Men do not choose, even if they do think so. Women choose! Unless these women are totally desperate due to an abusive ex husband situation, their children in immediate need of Western medical treatments, or other frantic situation, they are not going to agree to marry a man that they have never met!!

This is the reason why many foreign men have dilemma when they come to Ukraine. Many are delusional to believe in such a big fairytale. Most Ukrainian women are not desperate anymore, and they are not looking for an economic escape. They are looking for Mister Right, and he better be well educated, successful, emotionally and mentally stable, and physically fit, with limited bad habits! They are not jumping into an ‘American love boat ride’, and they are not marrying men just because they have American passports and big houses back home in Kansas. Many Ukrainian women understand that money is relative these days. In Ukraine a lot of women live on their savings. In the United States many men live on credit.

Of course, there are still some women out there who have a really hard life, and who are actively looking for a way out, whatever that implies. Many have mentally and physically abusive husbands, low paid jobs, and a constant lack of money to pay for basic living expenses. But the majority of women are well off on their own now.

The bottom-line is, no matter where you live and where you come from, it is true that we all want better lives. Most of us want to be in a place where we feel our best. And remember, it is a woman’s nature to look for man who could provide physical, mental, emotional, and material stability. Historically, women have been always looking for men who could give them sense of security. Woman’s brain is programmed to look for a man who could be a reliable partner and provider for her future children. The one who could kill the wooly mammoth, bring it to his cave, and defend his family from unwelcome intruders. Those are simple basic instincts. And it doesn’t matter if you are American or Ukrainian woman, we all want to have a man who could provide that sense of security, whatever it implies. For some, it is moving west, east, north or south, and for others it might be as simple as moving from a trailer to a mobile home. We all have basic instincts that motivate and move us through the wilderness of this complicated world.

The question is: how much sense does it make to use the old term ‘mail-order bride’ when it lost its meaning many decades or even centuries ago? I am just wondering, maybe it is time to change it for something more appropriate, something that would reflect the realities of a modern dating world? How about “overseas bride”? Sounds good to me. Don’t you think?

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